There I was sitting in my car in the church parking lot. The trunk or treats, Sunday mornings, and young women activities I had in that very spot consumed my mind. I never thought I'd be in the position I was, at that moment, in this same place of happy memories. I wondered what happened initially to lead me into the hole I had dug for myself. I didn't want to do what I was about to do. It was going to be really hard, embarrassing, and uncomfortable. I didn't know what I was supposed to say in the next few moments, what would be said to me, and especially, what was going to be thought of me. All I knew deep in my heart was that what I was about to do was right and would bring me the relief and peace that I was searching for.
So I unbuckled my seat belt, walked in the church, knocked on that familiar door, and was greeted by my smiling Bishop.
My Bishop at the time was like a second Dad to me. Because of this I definitely didn't want to tell him all the mistakes I had made. However, I proceeded into his office. I sat down in the chair, sitting directly across from him, and just smiled like nothing was wrong. In that moment all I wanted to do was bolt out the door and run away from all my problems, but I didn't. We opened with a prayer and the Spirit that filled the room consumed my soul just as it had during my first temple interview as a 12 year old. I knew that what I was doing was right. With tears running down my cheeks I confessed what I had done. We both cried. We talked. We read from the scriptures. When all was said and done, I stood up, gave my Bishop a big hug, cried some more, thanked him for being understanding, and walked out the door.
When I went to my car I felt as if this extra burden I had carried around for so many years was gone. I had truly given all my problems, worries, mistakes, and weaknesses to The Lord through His servant. I felt this great rush of hope that everything would be okay.
I felt free.
Our Bishops are servants of God. We don't confess our "big" sins to them so they can judge us and tell us what horrible people we are. We counsel with them because they know how to help us overcome our weaknesses and shortcomings. They are directed by our Heavenly Father through the Priesthood authority to guide us through the repentance process. Not once did my Bishop tell me I was a lost cause for doing the things I had done or that I would never be able to be clean again. He always hugged me, as I imagine my Father in Heaven would, and said "you are so special, your Heavenly Father loves you so much, as do I, and you will make it through this."
Our Savior loves us. He knows how to help us. He cannot take our burden if we are not willing to hand it to Him. He says " for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; (3 Nephi 18:32)". He wants to heal us. Some sins are much bigger than others. We are counseled to confess these sins to our Bishops because Heavenly Father knew they would be easier to bear with someone guiding and supporting us.
When Christ was suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane His loving Father sent him an Angel to strengthen Him as He bore all of our sins.
My bishop was that Angel for me.
I cannot express the gratitude I have in my heart for the love and support of my Bishop and for the courage my Father in Heaven gave me to go see him. I remember going back to my Bishop a few months after my initial meeting with him, sitting in that very seat, across his desk, when he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "Sister Schmit I feel that you are worthy and ready to hold a temple recommend again and enter into the House of The Lord." I have yet to experience a more powerful witness of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
I know it's not easy. Your Savior knows it's not easy. Despite it not being easy, it is so worth it. If you are burdened down by guilt, sorrow, or pain caused my sin, I plead with you to confide in your Savior and listen to His counsel to go speak to your Bishop. I promise you will receive the guidance, comfort, and peace that you are yearning for. It was the best decision I have ever made.
"Yea, I say unto you come and fear not, and lay aside every sin, which easily doth beset you, which doth bind you down to destruction, yea, come and go forth, and show unto your God that ye are willing to repent of your sins and enter into a covenant with him to keep his commandments." (Alma 7:15)
"But as oft as they repented and sought forgiveness, with real intent, they were forgiven."(Moroni 6:8)
